If you were to create a legal process to end your marriage, would you want the judge to make the decisions for you or would you want to retain control?

When the judge is in charge, all your energies are focused on promoting yourself. You want the judge to know the best things about you and the worst things about your spouse. If you want custody of your children, for example, you will position yourself as the better parent by giving examples of your spouse’s bad parenting decisions.

Your lawyer will help you build the most effective arguments. Your spouse, of course, will be doing the same against you. The judge may appoint an investigator to gather additional information in order to decide where your children will live, and when and how often each of you will see them.